Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Worst Songs of the Decade

While I'm still compiling my "Best of" lists for the year/decade, I took a few minutes this afternoon to recall some of the worst songs of the 2000's. A selfless act to be sure. These songs were inexplicable hits at some point during the past 10 years, for reasons that continue to baffle me. I tried to have a good balance of rock/pop/rap but alas, most lean toward the rock persuasion, for good reason. Without further adieu:


Dishonorable Mentions
Shaggy - Angel
Smashmouth - I'm A Believer
Both of these songs are remakes, so I am showing them some mercy and leaving them off this list. I have half a mind to put them at the top of the list for completely shredding any tender thoughts I had concerning the source material, but it's the holidays, and there are plenty of other songs to round out this list. Here's the video for I'm a believer in case you mistakenly thought it was "catchy".



10. Simple Plan - Perfect/I'm Just A Kid/Welcome to My Life
This is the start of a trend. For especially insufferable artists, I took the liberty of lumping together all of their songs. I may be unfairly lumping the entire creation of the Emo genre on Simple Plan's skinny shoulders, but I really don't care. The nasally whine and the temper-tantrum lyrics in all of these songs are embarrassing to listen to, and I don't know how the band themselves can perform these songs with a straight face. Especially now, since they are all over 30.



9. Follow Me - Uncle Kracker
"Uncle Cracker is a great name son, but I just think we need to make it a little edgier for the kids. I don't know, could you pull out some vowels, or slip a Z in somewhere?"

"I could swap the C in Cracker for a K. That could add some style without sacrificing the core phonetics"

"PERFECT!"

This song is WORSE than the name, if you can fathom that.



8. Nickelback - Hero/Photograph
You knew it was coming. No self-respecting music fan can make a "Worst" list without shoehorning Nickelback in. Nickelback had so many hits this decade, it was hard to narrow it down to only two songs. Thankfully, I was able to calibrate my ears in time to tune most of their new songs out, but not before these these two songs embedded themselves into my frontal love. Everyone knows (and loathes) "Photograph", but you may not recall the song "Hero" from the Spiderman soundtrack. That, my friends, is what YouTube is for.  Enjoy. Or not.



7. Hinder - Lips of An Angel
New year, new god-awful "rock" "love" "song". Whoa, that's a lot of quotation marks, but they are all appropriate. I don't know when this song came out, or how popular it was, but the fact that it has 14,000,000 views on YouTube tells me enough. If an alien spacecraft picks up an FM transmission of this song, they will almost certainly obliterate our planet. I don't blame them.



6. Sheryl Crow - Soak Up The Sun/First Cut is the Deepest/Picture

When you make Kid Rock look talented, you need to cut your losses and pack it in.



5. Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me
From the Uncle Kracker school of spelling comes Puddle of Mudd. Make no mistake about it, while the music video makes this song look playful and tongue-in-cheek, these men are completely serious, as evidenced by the gnarly guitar solo. Let this be a lesson to you kids. Even if you look slightly like Kurt Cobain, and sound vaguely like Kurt Cobain, you are NOT Kurt Cobain.



4. Hoobstank - The Reason
Someday my grandchildren will ask me how I could stand idly by while a song like The Reason climbed to number TWO on the Billboard charts, and I'll have to pretend I can't hear them.
cc


3. James Blunt - You're Beautiful
A wise man once likened James Blunt to a singing seagull. If only it were so simple and you could feed him a couple Alka-seltzers and he would explode. Or maybe leave a couple plastic six-pack rings around so he could strangle himself. Sadly, we just have to hope that he succumbed to hypothermia at the end of the music video.

Note: The comments above are in jest, except those about it being a terrible song
Music Videos by VideoCure


2. Soulja Boy Tell'em - Crank That
If you know me, you know I love rap. Which means that this song must really be something for me to place it so high on this list. Well, it is. It is everything terrible about rap. Terrible beat, terrible lyrics, terrible hook. Just a mess of a song, from an untalented hack. But what do I know, this song was a hit. Mims- This Is Why I'm Hot is terrible also, but I forgot about it until just now. Darn it.


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1. Crazytown - Butterfly

Without question, the worst song of the decade. Zero redeeming qualities. Laughable in every way. And that's BEFORE you see the music video.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

My Favorite Christmas Movies

Tis the season for me to conjure up a list of my favorite Christmas movies. If you were expecting to see Christmas Vacation or A Christmas Story, you may be disappointed (I didn't see either growing up). I should also warn you that I have a soft spot for the 90's.

Home Alone (1990)
Home Alone is the ULTIMATE mischievous kid fantasy. It also helps that I looked exactly like Kevin McAllister and that I had all the same toys that he used to terrorize Marv and Harry with. This film was singularly responsible for me setting up countless Rube Golbergian contraptions throughout my house (none of which worked whatsoever). Watching Rated R movies, eating all the pizza and ice cream you want, going through your brother's private stuff, this is the stuff of dreams for a 9 year old boy.


The Santa Clause (1994)
Another movie that preyed on 10 year old boy fantasies. What if your dad was Santa? Oh the possibilities! Of course you'd tag along with him and hightail it to the North Pole, and no one would believe you. I still say "I SHAVE IN THE MORNING, AND IN THE AFTERNOON I LOOK LIKE THIS" for no particular reason, and whenever I see accomplished actor David Krumholtz , I only think "Bernard the Arch-elf". Sorry, David.


It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
Frank Capra's 1946 masterpiece is a no-brainer. While the first two films on this list struck a chord with the 10 year old boy in me, this one continues to get better and better. A transcendent story of community and redemption that never fails to bring me to tears when George Bailey (in the role of a lifetime by Jimmy Stewart) reads Clarence's note that says "Remember George: no man is a failure who has friends." The definitive Christmas movie.


How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
I am by no means a Jim Carrey apologist. Apart from Dumb and Dumber and his more serious roles (Eternal Sunshine, The Truman Show), his rubberface slapstick shtick is downright grating, but he is fantastic here. He does all the grand gestures and makes all the same funny faces he usually does, but in a hairy green suit under a metric ton of makeup that works somehow. The art direction is imaginative and actually does justice to Dr. Seuss which is no small feat. I'll always have a spot in my "two sizes too small" heart for the original cartoon, but this is an admirable alternative.


Elf (2003)
I may be in the minority here, but I think this is the best thing Will Ferrell has ever done. He brings a wide-eyed enthusiasm that makes Buddy's behavior completely believable and completely hilarious. One would think that the fish-out-of-water story would get stale quickly, but Favreau and Ferrell deliver, scene after scene (as the video below can attest). The best measure of a performance is whether you can imagine another actor filling the role. Will Ferrell was born to play Buddy the Elf.


Honorable Mentions:

A Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
My favorite iteration of the Christmas Carol story.


Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
Just Classic.


What are your favorites? Did I miss any?

Bah humbug.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Review: Avatar




To call James Cameron's Avatar immersive would be an understatement. If you haven't heard of it, I'd like to ask how you have access to my blog underneath your rock. It tells the story a paralyzed marine Jake Sully in the year 2154, who replaces his deceased brother on an avatar project. The avatar program allows Jake to become animated into the planet Pandora as one of the native Na'vi people, regaining use of his legs in the process. While on Pandora, Jake is tapped to gain military and scientific intelligence about the planet, most notably, the location of a rare element Unobtanium. As Jake learns more about the Na'vi people and the planet they call home, he becomes increasingly torn about his role.


15 years in development and 4 years in a making, Avatar has been hailed as the film that will bring motion capture technology, CGI wizardry and 3D technology to dizzying new heights. From a technical standpoint, Cameron delivers on all fronts. Never have I seen such imaginative landscapes, seamless CGI/live-action integration and flawless motion capture. In the 12 years since Titanic, Cameron has become enamored with underwater landscapes and released 2 documentaries exploring the depths of the ocean floor. This fascination is apparent in every frame of Avatar, but especially pronounced in the night scenes that feature a carnival of bioluminescence. The world of Pandora is so vividly realized and transformative, that we the audience are just as disappointed as Jake when he is unplugged from his avatar and returned to the real world and just as aghast at the destruction that follows. The 3D technology is stirring but never jarring, changing focus and depth just like the human eye, placing the viewer in the center of the action, but never resorting to "WHOA" gimmickry.

The plot here is nothing new, corporate greed vs ecological conscience, but because the world on display here is so jaw-droppingly fresh and new, the story feels that way also. Through these rose-colored 3D glasses, otherwise campy dialogue sounds endearing, blatant foreshadowing is overlooked, and an otherwise awkward love story between 10 foot tall blue aliens is staggeringly convincing. Who knows whether it will be as captivating upon repeat viewings, but such is the euphoric trance that Cameron conjures here.

I believe that what keeps this film from transcending from the ultimate popcorn experience to legitimate masterpiece is Cameron's tendency to tell rather than show. He doesn't trust his audience's intelligence to piece together what is happening around them, opting to add narration and back-and-forth's between characters to explain things that we understood already or could have easily picked up on with more delicate direction. It's both thrilling and maddening that someone responsible for the revolutionary art direction on display here still relies on tried and true (and boring) methods of storytelling.

While the above paragraph may seem contradictory, let me be clear in saying that Avatar is an incredible theater experience and does things with the film medium that have never been done. It has to been seen to be believed. While the creativity here is enough to distract from other flaws on first viewing, I don't believe repeat viewings will be so kind. If he ever allows a capable screenwriter to get ahold of his script, WATCH OUT WORLD.

Authors note: I have not seen T2:Judgement Day, True Lies, Aliens or The Terminator, but on all of these Cameron shares screenwriting credits.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Review: The Box



Richard Kelly is a frustrating talent. His first film, Donnie Darko, while a commercial flop (being released in the wake of 9/11 didn't help), achieved unparalleled cult status since being released on DVD, prompting midnight showings and even the release of a "Director's Cut". His second film, Southland Tales, while ambitious, was largely panned as too sprawling and convoluted. In his newest film The Box, Kelly attempts to split the difference, for better or worse.

The plot of The Box is simple. A couple is delivered a wooden box, which houses a red button. A man later arrives with the key to said box and a proposition. If they press the button, they will received 1 million dollars and a person they do not know will die. They have 24 hours to decide. The fabric of this story is based on a short-story by Richard Matheson entitled "Button, Button", but the parallels end within the first 40 minutes or so.

For this film, Kelly was given a budget of 30 million, much more than his prior two films, but it's hard to say exactly where the money went. I'm sure a large sum went towards casting Cameron Diaz and Frank Langella (who's fantastic here, by the way), and I'm going to assume the rest was spent on sets, donuts, etc. Kelly has said that he envisioned this film as something "commercial while still retaining his artistic sensibility". While an admirable goal, the film falls short on both fronts.

What made Donnie Darko such a relatable and successful picture was the cyclical nature of the story and the resolution that gives a context to and adds layers to earlier events. As a result, you feel compelled to watch it again with the new subtexts in place. In The Box, Kelly spends too much time attempting to instill the sense of confusion and determinism of Donnie Darko, before he considers any sort of resolution. Payoffs only work if you are able to establish suspense and maintain the audience's attention until the end. This worked fanastically in Donnie Darko largely because Jake Gyllenhaal played Donnie as both smart and disturbed, digesting the riddles and the symbolism with a pure sense of curiosity. In The Box, the characters actions are wholly selfish and motivated by fear. As a result, the whisperings of strangers, the philosophical passages and the dusty scientific theories don't feel like pieces of a mysterious puzzle, they just feel trite and Shyamalanesque. Sadly, the cyclical conclusion could have worked if the whole thing hadn't jumped the rails well before.

James Marsden does a good job of looking confused/conflicted for the better part of this movie, and Cameron Diaz, while not abysmal, feels woefully miscast as a literature teacher at a private school. The art direction does a great job in recreating the mid-70's and the camera work is solid as well, adding tension when the plot doesn't deflate it. Maybe Kelly is a one trick pony, whose existential themes of human nature and the supernatural were all but exhausted in Donnie Darko, forcing him to resort to stale rehashes since. Maybe his hands are tied by the studios and he has had to edit and cut so much that the end product is reduced to a couple of interesting kernels of philosophy with rivers of pretension and incoherence in between. In either case, many directors have done much more with less.

Monday, December 14, 2009

RIP FOTC



After months of hemming and hawing about returning for a third season, Flight of the Conchords officially packed it in last week with the following statement on their website:

Bret, Jemaine and James (co-creator/director) said “we’ve noticed the less we say about the future of the show, the more people want to talk about it, so in an effort to reverse this trend we are today announcing that we won’t be returning for a 3rd season. We’re very proud of the two seasons we made and we like the way the show ended. We’d like to thank everyone who helped make the show and also everyone who watched it. While the characters Bret and Jemaine will no longer be around, the real Bret and Jemaine will continue to exist.


As sad as it is, I guess I can't blame them for quitting while they're ahead. I have no doubt its incredibly time consuming to write a funny episode, especially when you're trying to sprinkle in original songs and dance numbers on top of it. I remember hearing they were having trouble coming up with new material after the first season (hence the long wait between seasons 1 & 2), and they've now achieved enough success that they can both move on to other opportunities rather than try and drag the show forward in the face of diminishing returns. At least we'll always have Sugalumps.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

On Repeat: Shine Blockas




I've been listening to this Big Boi track for nearly 2 months now, and I still can't get over how great it is. Off his upcoming solo release Sir Luscious Left Foot: Son of Chico Dusty, the song re-establishes Big Boi as a lyrical force to be reckoned with. A fantastic, complex beat that samples "I Miss You Baby" by Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes and a memorable verse from Gucci Mane don't hurt matters either. It is dense with different vocal flows and beats, careening from chorus to verse so quickly that they nearly overlap at times. The chorus is "Hey Ya" level catchy, and the subject matter promises to shoehorn "Don't block my shine shawty" into the awkward white person vernacular just like Hey Ya did with "Shake it like a Polaroid picture!".  


The Onion may be on to something here...

Maybe they will commute his sentence to return the favor. One can dream!





Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Review: Timbaland Presents: Shock Value II



Even the harshest critic would concede that Timbaland is a mastermind in the studio. While not a bold statement, it is nonetheless corroborated by his extensive resume of #1 hits, three of which appear on his "solo" release Shock Value from 2007. What made Shock Value such a unique album is the way that Timbaland employed artists that had been pigeonholed by their genre, bestowing upon them a new lease on life, provided they don't mind being blasted by every nightclub in the world.

Shock Value II = Shock Value I + Autotune. Depending on how that equation strikes you, Timbo's newest project will evoke thunderous groans or applause. The actual product is somewhere in-between. While an incredible talent, Timbaland certainly has his weaknesses. First, he is an abysmal rapper. This is clear from the first song "Carry Out" with Justin Timberlake, where the pair compare sex to fast food (blech) and inexplicably try rhyme "errors" with "areas". Handicapped by such an awful opening song, the album spends the rest of the first half trying to dig itself out of this hole. Miraculously, the rest of the songs on the first half of the album are surprisingly strong, mostly because Timbaland is resigned to chorus duty and "HEY!'s", allowing the songs to be admirably carried by the previously insufferable Jojo, Miley Cyrus and CHAD KROEGER of all people. If Timbaland is able to make a Chad Kroeger (of Nickelback, in case you weren't sure) song that doesn't elicit instant nausea/laughter, he truly is a genius. Most notably, songs like Lose Control, Morning After Dark and Can You Feel It? capture the energy and innovation of the original Shock Value. Sadly, Timbaland cannot help but mess with a good thing.

The precipitous descent into terrible starts with Undertow, a blatant ripoff of the song Apologize from his last album. Before you even have a chance to check the song title to make sure you're still listening to Shock Value II, Timbo dives into the ballad-rap travesty that is Timothy Where You Been. To call this song an embarassment is like calling a tornado a breeze. The song is mind-numbingly awful, and immediately followed by a third and FOURTH ballad. Whomever decided on the sequencing of the album, needs to find another line of work. In a last ditch effort, Timbaland attempts to perform CPR on himself on the last two tracks, but the damage is done. What started out with focus and a refreshing playfulness, has completely devolved into incomprehensible mush. Sad.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Fantastic Mr. Fox



Fantastic Mr. Fox is an adaptation of Roald Dahl's 1970 book of the same name. While not my favorite Roald Dahl book (that honor belongs to The BFG), it features all of Dahl's trademarks in full bloom. While most of Dahl's work can certainly be classified as "children's books", they have an edge and a grime that brings to mind the similarly morbid Brothers Grimm fairy tales. Dahl paints vivid characters and settings with his words and does not shy away from showing the grotesque and the beautiful in equal measure. The Fantastic Mr. Fox is no exception. Wes Anderson's adaptation expounds on the original story in the same way that Spike Jonze was able to stretch Where The Wild Things Are; cleverly and tastefully.

Fantastic Mr. Fox is essentially a cat-and-mouse game between Mr. Fox and the farmers (Boggis, Bunce and Bean). Mr. Fox steals chickens, ducks and cider from the farmers, and the farmers resolve to find and destroy him, sparing no expense in the process. Mayhem and adventure ensue. Wes Anderson (the director of cult-classics Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums and most recently, The Darjeeling Limited) tells the story of a reformed Mr. Fox, resigned to a menial newspaper column after a close call in a heist 2 years ago (12 fox years). He struggles to keep his animal instincts in check, and ultimately finds himself sneaking out under the cover of darkness to indulge himself. Needless to say, the farmers notice.

Plot points aside, this film is unabashedly Wes Anderson, from the soundtrack that uses The Rolling Stones and the Beach Boys, to the obligatory cross-section tracking shots and the impeccable attention to detail. For better or worse, it's all here. Personally, I love it, but I can see how people can dismiss it as pretentious. What cannot be dismissed is the incredible stop-motion animation work on display here. Stop-motion animation is not a new medium by any means, but never before has it been imagined so vividly. From the fur of the animals, to the elaborate sets, everything is painstakingly perfect. I don't know why I am surprised, it's Wes Anderson. But still, it's quite a sight to behold.

While this is all well and good, art direction cannot push a plot forward and flesh out characters, and this is something that some of Anderson's recent films have suffered from. Not enough heart. Anderson smartly introduces universal existential themes to rationalize the behavior of Mr. Fox in the same way that Brad Bird did so effectively in The Incredibles in 2004. Both feature male characters leading an unfulfilled life, who ultimately put their entire family at risk by entertaining their fantasies. Both Bird and Anderson deal with these weighty themes beautifully, striking a balance between the dark morality of Tim Burton and the sickly-sweet lessons of Disney. The new medium also allows Anderson to infuse the film with some talents I didn't even know he had. Namely, his knack for physical comedy. The characters run, sneak around and get washed away in hilarious fashion. He also does some impressive things with facial expressions and mannerisms that are a challenge to incorporate into a stop-motion film. The voice work here is also perfect, featuring George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Willem Dafoe and Bill Murray. Also, I can't imagine a more petulant Ash than the one voiced by Jason Schwartzman.

Wes Anderson's imagination and affection for his work has never been in question but he has struggled to inspire the same sense of wonder and sentiment in his audience. In Fantastic Mr. Fox he finally succeeds, not because the characters are especially more likable or because he has toned down his style, but because the sides and the stakes are clear. Escape or die. There is no sense of double-crossing and adult pettiness that left such a bitter taste in your mouth during The Life Aquatic. That's not to say the characters are perfect (far from it), but their motivations are transparent, and there's a certain warmth in that.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

As If You Needed Another Reason to Love Google



E-cards are cool and all, but there is something to be said for receiving tangible greeting cards via "snail mail". Google understands this, and are offering a free Holiday themed postcard (shipped free of charge also) as a gift to Gmail users. Simply personalize it and fill out the address field, and Google will do the rest. Easiest Grandma brownie points ever!! There are six different designs (I chose Rudolph) and a limit of one per user. Hurry and click here before they run out!

EDIT: All out! I warned you!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger

In case this whole Tiger Woods fiasco/firestorm has raised more questions than answers for you, 1-Apple news of Taiwan has been considerate enough to piece together a dramatization of the events that happened the night Mr. Woods lost control of his Escalade. It's hilarious, and probably not far from the truth.

 

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Take Away Show: Phoenix



If you've never heard of the Take Away Shows (also known as Concert A Emporter) on blogotheque.net, you are in for a treat. Director Vincent Moon beautifully films music acts performing as they tour through Paris (some Take Away Shows are in the US, but the majority are in Paris). By stripping down the bands instrumentation as much as possible, Moon allows the bands to perform in some very unique, confined places like bars, elevators, even inside cars. He has an adventurous camera that does a great job capturing the spontaneity of the shows,  focusing on the curious spectators and the scenery rather than simply holding the camera steady on the lead singer. This makes for some truly moving performances. Moon's most recent work features everyone's favorite French popstars Phoenix performing on the lawn of the Eiffel Tower, on top of a double-decker bus, and underneath a bridge. Really neat stuff. Check out the rest of the Take Away Shows when you have a chance, you won't be disappointed.

Phoenix - 1901

Phoenix - 1901 - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Phoenix - Lisztomania/One Time Too Many

Phoenix - Lizstomania / One time too many - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That

Phoenix - Long distance call - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sad State of Affairs

Although I haven't been writing this blog for a long time, I've made a conscious effort to steer clear of broad social commentaries for two reasons. One, because I want this blog to be a source of levity and entertainment, and two, because I don't think it's my place to be casting wide swaths at things that I find obnoxious. I am going to make an exception today.

Since the dawn of reality television, regular people have spared no expense or amount of shame to secure themselves a moment in the spotlight in the hopes that it will springboard them to super-stardom, or at least another reality show. I have no aversions to the concept of celebrity for those who are genuinely talented and for whom paparazzi cameras and interviews are simply a means to an end. Those I am speaking of are people who offer nothing to society at large and treat every flashbulb and microphone like a rung on a ladder. To these people, the phrase "there's no such thing as bad publicity" is their lifeblood.

You have no doubt known people that fit this description at some point in your life. The man whose lofty aspirations dried up long ago and couldn't be bothered to work hard in the interim, the woman who was told she was pretty one too many times and began to use it as a tool to manipulate and extract what she wants from others. These people aren't inherently bad, they are a function of a society that allows and rewards people who behave this way. This situation has come to a head in recent weeks. Recently, as the ratings for reality television wane, the attention seeking brethren have been pushed to great depths to procure the fifteen minutes they are entitled to. While these publicity stunts have largely left the public aghast, they continue to serve their purpose.

In October, Americans were enamored with a young boy who appeared to be trapped in a homemade helium contraption hundreds of feet in the Colorado sky. 3 days later, the entire ordeal was uncovered as an elaborate scheme by an overzealous father to secure a reality TV show. Charges were filed and his reputation as a scientist has taken a hit, but the publicity well is far from dry and that's all that matters.

And just last week, a posh Virginian couple successfully "crashed" a White House state dinner, posing for pictures with members of President Obama's cabinet and even meeting Obama himself. As the story unfolds, this isn't the first time the couple has found themselves at parties they were not invited to. Coincidentally (or not), the couple also have reality TV aspirations. Despite the public/political outrage that followed, the couple are peddling their "story" to the highest bidder and have shown no amount of remorse or regret for breaching the highest levels of national security so they could hob-nob and make their friends jealous on facebook (seriously).

Maybe my vitriol for these people is misplaced and I should instead wag my finger at the media outlets who continually blur the line between news and sensationalism. Maybe we are all guilty for holding celebrity and all that it entails to such high esteem. Maybe I shouldn't write anything and allow the stories and the people responsible for them fade away into oblivion. All I know is that these people make Flavor of Love seem like an exercise in high art.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Review: BlakRoc



BlakRoc is a Hip-Hop Rock project featuring blues-rock duo The Black Keys and several prominent members of the Hip-Hop community including Mos Def, RZA, Ludacris, Q-Tip, Raekwon and even ODB (RIP). The project as a whole doesn't seem like a tremendous stretch as far as Rap/Rock collaborations go, and if the lead single "Ain't Nothin' Like You (Hoochie Coo)" was any indication, the venture promised to add up to more than the sum of its parts. Unfortunately, rather than use the circumstances to crank up the guitars and the wordplay, everyone involved sounds largely muzzled.

Firstly, gone are the face-melting guitar riffs Black Keys fans have come to expect. Most of the guitar parts are strangely drowned out and feel like an afterthought. I suppose this should be expected on an album where they guitars/drums are simply there to hold a beat, but I expected The Black Keys to be a bit more adventurous in this context. They sound sound positively reserved and sheepish.

Secondly, maybe I've been listening to too much Lil' Wayne (probably), but the hip-hop contingent at work here feels stifled. The burbling beats of The Black Keys force them to deliver their lines with a slow, bluesy cadence that makes the whole thing feel casual and tired. It's sad when the most confident, memorable verse on the first half of the album comes from ODB, since he recorded his contribution years ago. I'm not sure if they intended for the album to lean towards a lounge-style atmosphere, but everyone feels a little bit out of their element here. The subject matter supports this theory, as it borrows heavily from traditional blues fare (failed love and hard times).

The album works best on songs like Ain't Nothin' Like You and What You Do To Me, when it lets Auerbach's smokey voice to carry some of the vocal load, allowing the rappers to rhyme over stripped down arrangements and at the pace they are used to. It's also no coincidence that most of the strongest songs feature Nicole Wray's pitch-perfect blues voice, as she admirably bridges the gap between the two genres.  

Maybe the whole thing would have worked better if older brass-knuckle Black Keys tracks were used and the hip-hop artists were forced to keep pace and match the intensity. Or maybe it would have worked better if The Black Keys made a reverse mixtape and generated blistering new riffs for popular rap songs. Instead, it sounds like Blues and Hip-hop for dummies from artists who are far from it.