Wednesday, August 11, 2010
NOT On Repeat: DJ Khaled - All I Do Is Win
Despite my best efforts, this song was the de facto anthem of VT 2010. I'm not sure if R'OB or C'OB are to blame, but I have a rough count of 30 plays in 30 hours. And I wasn't even up late either of those nights, so 50 is probably a better estimate. In order to more eloquently pinpoint what makes this song so terrible, I've decided to make a list of Pros and Cons.
-This song is the music equivalent to the 2010 Celtics. 4 over-the-hill hip-hop artists who have no chance at scoring a hit single on their own, collaborate for one last run at a platinum recording. Don't believe me? Let's ask Wikpedia: Ludacris (32), Rick Ross (34), Snoop Dogg (38), T-Pain (24)*.
-Who the hell is DJ Khaled? Since when do producers get artist credit when they have no obvious role in the song aside from yelling his name? Is 99 Problems by Rick Rubin or Jay-Z? Case in point.
-Ludacris is a terrible rapper, and his verse here is no exception. With Ludacris you are guaranteed a cringe-worthy line, an eye-rolling line, and a borderline disgusting line. All I Do I Win has all three. In a row.
"My hands go up and down like strippers booty go.
My verses still be serving, tight like a million virgins,
Last time on a Khaled remix now on the original version.
Ain't never count me out,
Ya'll better count me in."
-Snoop Dogg is a parody of a caricature of his former self. When I'm 38, I probably will be too, but I won't be in a music video rhyming "Snoopy" and "Hoopty" around gyrating young women and bouncing convertibles. Interestingly, he has the most head-scratching verse in the whole song, claiming to have "hung with the worst of 'em, bust till I burst on 'em". My guess is he's referring to his confused sexual experimentation in college, but who's to say. It's more likely that he doesn't even know what he's talking about.
-All I Do Is Win isn't grammatically correct.
-T-Pain says "BUILDING" like a 4 year old.
-T-Pain "T-Pains" himself on his iPhone in the video, which would probably make him sound like Stephen Hawking.
-T-Pain's hair that makes him look like a cross between Princess Leia and Allen Iverson.
-Attractive women in the music video.
-The part where T-Pain says "AND THEY STAY THERE!" is a little catchy.
-T-Pain's gesture at :44.
-I want to taste whatever that pink drink is they are all drinking.
-They seem to be having fun.
*While 24 is absolutely not old, no one would disagree that T-Pain is washed up.