Wednesday, August 11, 2010

NOT On Repeat: DJ Khaled - All I Do Is Win

Despite my best efforts, this song was the de facto anthem of VT 2010. I'm not sure if R'OB or C'OB are to blame, but I have a rough count of 30 plays in 30 hours. And I wasn't even up late either of those nights, so 50 is probably a better estimate. In order to more eloquently pinpoint what makes this song so terrible, I've decided to make a list of Pros and Cons.

-This song is the music equivalent to the 2010 Celtics. 4 over-the-hill hip-hop artists who have no chance at scoring a hit single on their own, collaborate for one last run at a platinum recording. Don't believe me? Let's ask Wikpedia: Ludacris (32), Rick Ross (34), Snoop Dogg (38), T-Pain (24)*.

-Who the hell is DJ Khaled? Since when do producers get artist credit when they have no obvious role in the song aside from yelling his name? Is 99 Problems by Rick Rubin or Jay-Z? Case in point.

-Ludacris is a terrible rapper, and his verse here is no exception. With Ludacris you are guaranteed a cringe-worthy line, an eye-rolling line, and a borderline disgusting line. All I Do I Win has all three. In a row.

"My hands go up and down like strippers booty go.
My verses still be serving, tight like a million virgins,
Last time on a Khaled remix now on the original version.
Ain't never count me out,
Ya'll better count me in."

-Snoop Dogg is a parody of a caricature of his former self. When I'm 38, I probably will be too, but I won't be in a music video rhyming "Snoopy" and "Hoopty" around gyrating young women and bouncing convertibles. Interestingly, he has the most head-scratching verse in the whole song, claiming to have "hung with the worst of 'em, bust till I burst on 'em". My guess is he's referring to his confused sexual experimentation in college, but who's to say. It's more likely that he doesn't even know what he's talking about.

-All I Do Is Win isn't grammatically correct.

-T-Pain says "BUILDING" like a 4 year old.

-T-Pain "T-Pains" himself on his iPhone in the video, which would probably make him sound like Stephen Hawking.

-T-Pain's hair that makes him look like a cross between Princess Leia and Allen Iverson.


-Attractive women in the music video.

-The part where T-Pain says "AND THEY STAY THERE!" is a little catchy.

-T-Pain's gesture at :44.

-I want to taste whatever that pink drink is they are all drinking.

-They seem to be having fun.

*While 24 is absolutely not old, no one would disagree that T-Pain is washed up.


  1. ok first of all DJ Khaled sounds just like DJ Cahlee - which is exactly why I put this on my megamix for the Whaling City Triathlon. Second of all - this song by no means is good - BUT it is great to sing in your head while biking up hills.

    I rest my case. <3s rob for playing this on repeat.

  2. You are missing the point of this song. First of all it's as catchy and dance-worthy as most stuff out there, probably more so. Secondly, the comparison to the 2010 Celts is a bad one. I would compare these four to the likes of the four dude from Space Cowboys, Billy Munny (actually sounds like a rapper's name) and Ned Logan from Unforgiven, or Gus and Call from Lonesome Dove. These are all old men who have earned their stripes and deserve to have a little fun and not to be mocked. They are also all decidedly bad-ass. Also, Ludacris' ridiculous inflection and bouncy delivery is what makes him the fantastic performer he is. While I'll grant you that he's way better as a featured artist than the main event, 'All I do is Win' is a perfect venue for him. At least we didn't have to listen to 'What's Your Fantasy'... T-Pain parodying himself with the iPhone application is a great addition to the song and a meta-moment in the video. Lastly, this is the essence of a great rap music video and I like that they've broken it down to its most basic: shiny car, shiny motorcycle, shiny women, shiny Ludayak (or whatever the hell it is). If you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, the pot on the stove, water gettin boiled, dope gettin sold... then get off my property.

  3. Have you even listened to the song? Obviously not if you aren't hooked.