Wednesday, November 17, 2010
No mo' Loko
How did a colorful beverage spur the fastest bipartisan response in recent memory? In the span of less than a month, Four Loko has gone from obscure drink to the cause of all societal ills. Yes, Four Loko has caffeine. Yes, Four Loko has alcohol. And yes, if you drink more than one you will likely experience the first 48 hangover of your life (sorry to break it to you, Assemblyman Felix Ortiz). But none of those statements warrant an FDA investigation or a massive product recall. Have these enraged Senators ever heard of cigarettes or Percocet or an Irish Coffee? All of these can be fatal and are available to the general public with minimal legal obstacles. But when a manufacturer has the audacity to offer a single product that combines two things that have been bar staples for decades, well, we need some serious intervention to save us from ourselves. Well I hope you're happy Senator Schumer, because Four Loko is effectively banned starting today and in response, Four Loko has decided to remove all caffeine and herbal supplements from their products in the future. But caffeine and alcohol will live on, albeit in separate containers. I guess if there is any silver lining to the Four Loko saga, it's that it gave us a glimpse into how swift government can work when they have a common cause. Unfortunately, in this case the common cause was finding a scapegoat for stupid college kids. Wait, did Four Loko just turn me into a Libertarian?