Friday, November 12, 2010

Miracle Of The Sea

After 2 days adrift at sea, Americans have a stunning rescue to rejoice in. In a situation of unfathomable inconvenience, the 4500 aboard Carnval's Splendor of the Seas dug deep, much like Aron Ralston did in his predicament and kept hope alive in the face of cold food and "smelly toilets". I don't think it's presumptuous to assume that if this happened a year or two ago, Danny Boyle would have scrapped 127 Hours to pay homage to this triumph of the human spirit instead.

If you've been on a cruise before, you will likely appreciate the fortitude of those aboard the Splendor, and if you haven't, don't judge lest ye be judged. Cruise ships are terribly bothersome to begin with (a fact best documented by the late David Foster Wallace in "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again"), with meager entertainment and mediocre table service. In fact, on more than one occasion I could barely tell what type of animal the my hotel-room towels were contorted into. The ice in your drinks melt quickly poolside and it took entirely too many snaps of my fingers to get the attention of a staff member to top me off. And don't even get me STARTED on the food. I wouldn't serve their filet mignon to my dog, and I needed a sledgehammer to crack the creme brulee. So when I heard that the poor passengers aboard the Splendor were enduring Deli Meat and DRY CEREAL, I had half a mind to mail 4500 care-packages to the middle of Pacific. Mercifully, the US Navy air-dropped Spam and Pop-tarts before cannibalism took hold.

I've heard that Carnival Cruise Lines are completely reimbursing everyone and offering them a voucher for a free cruise, but who is going to be there for them when this is all forgotten? Will Carnival be paying their therapy? Their medical bills? Doubtful. Take a look at these two gentlemen. They are going to need some serious psychotherapy to erase these nightmares from their unconscious. Americans get a bad rap for being spoiled wissies, but when challenged with a situation this unbearable, real Americans dust themselves off and ask for seconds. Chilean miners, eat your heart out.


  1. Those poor guys had to SLEEP! and PLAY CARDS! That sure does sound like "prsion," as the describe it :/

  2. Honestly guys, smelling poop, waiting in line for bread, and not getting to do the "fun things you had planned", is not like prison. I'm sure there are plenty of people who endure way worse every day. AND I really like sleeping, playing cards and eating bread. Maybe i should have gone. I'm sure the sun was still working for tanning, ey?