Inevitable

It was inevitable really. I had been engaged in a high stakes game of chicken with my alarm clock for the better part of two weeks and it was a matter of time before it came to this. I knew full well that my love affair with the snooze bar would not satisfy forever and lead to turning the alarm off altogether. I told myself I was a respectable young man with willpower and logic. Today was the day I found out I was full of it.

Alarms are unnatural. Every fiber of your being wants to stay in bed when your alarm goes off and to dangle 9 extra minutes of sleep over you in the form of the snooze button is a recipe for disaster. Under normal circumstances, my logical brain would press snooze once and awake, knowing that further snoozes would impact my commute. However, my sleep-starved brain trumps any critical thinking skills at 6:15 AM. I would argue that one is never more coherent than the moment your alarm goes off; it sounds silly, but hear me out. As soon as my alarm goes off, I immediately deduce that the alarm clock is 13.64 minutes fast (a trick my awake brain came up with to trick my sleepy brain, which was soundly foiled) and hit snooze again. When the alarm goes off again, I instantly calculate the correct time, tabulate the time to shower and get ready and decide I still have time to spare if I hurry. When the snooze expires a THIRD time, my sleepy brain eloquently argues that showering is silly before you go into work and what I should really do is get adequate rest. When the fourth snooze cycle is complete, It is 6:51 (well, actually 6:38) and I turn off my alarm, ready to start my day. Once this happens, you have approximately 10 seconds to summon the Herculean strength to rise out of bed, or you are doomed and only an act of god will keep you from being late for work.

This is what I struggle with on a daily basis. It's a wonder I'm not late more often. Of course, after getting to work at 8:12 and having to stay until nearly FIVE O'CLOCK, I doubt I will hit the snooze at all tomorrow for fear of a repeat of today's horrorscape. But soon will come another day where this delicate dance between gainful employment and human nature will come to a head and I will surely lose again. And no defeat will taste so sweet.