Saturday, December 4, 2010

15 Original Christmas Songs That DON'T Suck

It's December 4th, and I've already heard more miserable excuses for Christmas songs than I care to hear for the entire month (thanks MB and MT). What is it about Christmas that makes every Tom/Dick/Harry think they should try their hand at putting out an album? Of course, it's a financial slam dunk (who could contain their morbid curiousity?), but I'm sure a few of them actually believe that they can bring something new to Silent Night. To hammer home this point, take a look at what the music industry has shat out lately:

REGIS? Death Row? That's just unconscionable. Just listen to Patton Oswalt's rant about that abysmal Christmas Shoes song (NSFW). Now that I've gone and dashed your Christmas spirit, let me take off my Scrooge costume and explain that there are alternatives. There are SOME original Christmas songs that can actually co-exist with Holiday staples, and I'd like to share them with you. Here are 15 Pop Christmas Songs that DON'T Suck (not including Bing Crosby, because he could populate this list himself.)

1. Last Christmas - WHAM!

The perfect example of a great pop Christmas song. The benchmark by which all others are measured.

2. Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Say what you will about Ms. Carey, but this song ALWAYS brings it. And I will ALWAYS try to hit every note.

3. Bruce Springsteen - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Yes, perhaps this is not an ORIGINAL song, but it's Bruce Springsteen, so kindly STFU and listen.

4. John Lennon - Happy XMas (War Is Over)

Awesome Song, Awesome Dude. It's giving me chills right, now but my window is also open.

5. Paul McCartney - Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time

Not to be outdone, Paul offered us this gem. Please no one tell Ringo.

6. Alvin and the Chipmunks - The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

If anyone badmouths this song I will hit you in the mouth. I asked my parents for a hula hoop because of this song. Also, Patton Oswalt's joke about it is a riot. Below:

7. Britney Spears - My Only Wish This Year

No comments so as to preserve my street cred.

8. Chuck Berry - Run Rudolph Run

I can't listen to this song without picturing the McCallister family running through the airport in Home Alone.

9. Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree

Another one from Home Alone. Kevin dancing in the living room while Michael Jordan rides a trainset.

10. Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas?


11. Elvis - Blue Christmas

Ya'll want to talk some crap about Elvis? I'm all ears.

12. Bobby Helms - Jingle Bell Rock

Home Alone 2 Soundtrack. I'm noticing a trend.

13. Elton John - Step Into Christmas

Don't get any ideas Bieber.

14. Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad

It means Merry Christmas in Spanish!

15. Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby

Santa is Sexy!!

Now you can delete your Glee Christmas Album. Your Welcome.


  1. N'SYNC MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS. How could you miss this awesome song?!?!

  2. I agree with coastalcreature and disagree with your glee comment. also you missed "the christmas song" THAT song is a holiday must. eartha deserves to be much higher on that list..... and you misspelled "you're" in you're welcome.

    you're welcome.